Hammer sounding loud ... beating it... louder and louder the sound traveling through the empty rooms...
the echos drowning all thought out of my head.. why why why why why....
walking on the railing... watching them work below him.... listening to spider learn to love..... no one here will help me now... they cant..
the sound of kids running on the roof... the roof will fall yells the grandma.... drowning in the well... look at the world from under the water... so far so small... happy i cant see your face...
the depths attracts me.. as the pressure crushes me ... my eye red... i look in for help....
Climbing up... shaking the leaves down... my companion color blind... we climb to see the edge of our little world....
as stones pursue our paths... ignoring them... i see the end of this little world under me... the fruit of it around me..
the wind silences everything... me you the world...
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
John (can't seem to complete anything...)
I need
Looking into these dark pools i wonder what is this that we long for....
Disturbing this feeling of being incomplete..... The easy discomfort over the unknown future....
John was never one of those people who was interested in these discussions... the trivial nature of it all he could never understand them.... never seems to understand the obsession that people had in fear love jealousy these were emotions that was beyond his understanding.... these emotions were not required for existence or for survival...
In fact by the evidence that he has come across his life they make life much harder than it need to be....
Thinking this he was walking down the street with cars zipping by him at 120 kmh .... he doesn’t travel by vehicle.... his parents think this has something to do with the his motion sickness.... but it has nothing to do with that... urge to jump out of a moving vehicle is uncontrollable.... his parents always believed that he tries to climb out of a vehicle so that he can puke or.. get some air so that he doesn’t puke... its not that he is suicidal by nature or depressed as by now you should have figured it out he is not emotional in anyway to be depressed by anything as such... this is the only irrational or impulsive act that he does.. He hasn’t figured the reason behind this yet... but this will be revealed in due course he is sure of that... the feeling is almost romantic... like the touch of a man soft and tender right behind his ear...
It takes hold of him... it beats him on the wall... rolls on the ground..... Feels the world exploding inside him...
Looking into these dark pools i wonder what is this that we long for....
Disturbing this feeling of being incomplete..... The easy discomfort over the unknown future....
John was never one of those people who was interested in these discussions... the trivial nature of it all he could never understand them.... never seems to understand the obsession that people had in fear love jealousy these were emotions that was beyond his understanding.... these emotions were not required for existence or for survival...
In fact by the evidence that he has come across his life they make life much harder than it need to be....
Thinking this he was walking down the street with cars zipping by him at 120 kmh .... he doesn’t travel by vehicle.... his parents think this has something to do with the his motion sickness.... but it has nothing to do with that... urge to jump out of a moving vehicle is uncontrollable.... his parents always believed that he tries to climb out of a vehicle so that he can puke or.. get some air so that he doesn’t puke... its not that he is suicidal by nature or depressed as by now you should have figured it out he is not emotional in anyway to be depressed by anything as such... this is the only irrational or impulsive act that he does.. He hasn’t figured the reason behind this yet... but this will be revealed in due course he is sure of that... the feeling is almost romantic... like the touch of a man soft and tender right behind his ear...
It takes hold of him... it beats him on the wall... rolls on the ground..... Feels the world exploding inside him...
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Tastes like fear
whats that smell.... tastes like fear, sorrow....
thank you for love... Smear it all around love
thank you... cant take it anymore.... hovering over me and you i wonder..
Smelling the fragrances that you bring in here..... it might be over
before i realize the fear takes hold of me...
gunning it all... the bullet holes bleeding...
why is the wall crying i ask..... red the color of tears
loosing the fire within... lost while my dreams were still young...
the assembly line of my heart with its heartless machine....
the soulless dolls working... dreaming for the happiness lost in all my effort...
can feel the urge to gather all of my life and run... escape my fate....
the empty cabin were i look at whats happened to my dream.....
the taste of fear in my mouth reminds me to keep running.... this is not for me....
Searching for the words.... the cure for this loss
never knew whats happening out there... i am so elated
the fear knocks me out of my senses.... need the cure
screaming i can hear all of it... clearly as rain... the pain...
trying to wash the taste away .... i am taking in my pharmacy...
the bubbles in my hand.... the slowness of it all doesn't seem to change the feeling...
rolling down the steps ... bouncing bouncing.... the taste changes why am i crying.. i ask my self.... but cant think of anything now....
let the good times roll.... with the taste of fear....
thank you for love... Smear it all around love
thank you... cant take it anymore.... hovering over me and you i wonder..
Smelling the fragrances that you bring in here..... it might be over
before i realize the fear takes hold of me...
gunning it all... the bullet holes bleeding...
why is the wall crying i ask..... red the color of tears
loosing the fire within... lost while my dreams were still young...
the assembly line of my heart with its heartless machine....
the soulless dolls working... dreaming for the happiness lost in all my effort...
can feel the urge to gather all of my life and run... escape my fate....
the empty cabin were i look at whats happened to my dream.....
the taste of fear in my mouth reminds me to keep running.... this is not for me....
Searching for the words.... the cure for this loss
never knew whats happening out there... i am so elated
the fear knocks me out of my senses.... need the cure
screaming i can hear all of it... clearly as rain... the pain...
trying to wash the taste away .... i am taking in my pharmacy...
the bubbles in my hand.... the slowness of it all doesn't seem to change the feeling...
rolling down the steps ... bouncing bouncing.... the taste changes why am i crying.. i ask my self.... but cant think of anything now....
let the good times roll.... with the taste of fear....
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Flowers
To say that I want you is not the right thing to do... so i said that I want you….
Crap the world is dying around me…. The flowers withering away, why is this the only reason we are here. I don't want to wait for this. Leave now. I am leaving this thing i wanted so badly. I was wrong, i never wanted you, the idea was good but i don't want you. The flowers are what matters to you. They are dying now. I am leaving you. Ha ha ha i i i i i i i.....
It smells good today.
Crap the world is dying around me…. The flowers withering away, why is this the only reason we are here. I don't want to wait for this. Leave now. I am leaving this thing i wanted so badly. I was wrong, i never wanted you, the idea was good but i don't want you. The flowers are what matters to you. They are dying now. I am leaving you. Ha ha ha i i i i i i i.....
It smells good today.
Sigh
Sigh Sigh Sigh Sigh Sigh Sigh Sigh Sigh...........
Sigh Sigh Sigh Sigh.........
All is lost........
all shall fail....... fail......... tired repetitive.......... Sigh Sigh Sigh Sigh Sigh Sigh
i am too tired..... i am reprogramming them.......
programme me....... death is the solution.... Sigh Death
Sigh Sigh Sigh Sigh.........
All is lost........
all shall fail....... fail......... tired repetitive.......... Sigh Sigh Sigh Sigh Sigh Sigh
i am too tired..... i am reprogramming them.......
programme me....... death is the solution.... Sigh Death
Monday, May 11, 2009
On a tight rope.....SNAP SNAP....
they have tried to make it sound like a continuous album.... with the fade in and fade out....
the lyrics is interesting... but i suppose... don't know... i am not getting the emotion here..... the reason for what the characters feel. how would you extrapolate these emotions out to the characters.........
i don't mind the unlimited connections that they pay for..... wish it was faster but that's the only thing that i can use now..... cant do much now can i.........
what do i do.... i feel lost as usual...... am in limbo out there and its because of the choices i made as usual..... not worrying things can be really bad sometimes..... but i wont fuck up.... but the list ... the rumors of the list its unbelievable...... i need help.. from my self...
Poor bastard pouring his heart out
my brain seems to be shutting down... now you know the pressure she was in for months.... and there is nothing that she could have done that time about all of this.... but in my case action action is what required.... all they are waiting for is action so get the fuck up and move on.....
there are no monsters in this world... its only you... your the monster.... the scary monster....
the violence.... the headache.... the mind..... the thought.... crash it all down... fear and loathing.....
the usual promises..the failure... you disappoint me as usual.... kill joy... i like that... i am one... to who is the question...
what are you laughing at..... hiding myself.... i don't want him to see me... i have made everything awkward in my head... i cant change anything now in me....... it too late for me... lost in space... waiting for my miracle...
the real problems are not what you are thinking about but its all this.....
the ending of peacemaker felt like i was 16.....
Nuclear winter..... hmmm... i wont make it.... i am not meant to survive this.... pleasant thought... it relaxes me....
surviving is the worst thing that could possibly happen to me.........
so much to explain... what is the definition....
fade in fade out again.........
Snap Snap....
the lyrics is interesting... but i suppose... don't know... i am not getting the emotion here..... the reason for what the characters feel. how would you extrapolate these emotions out to the characters.........
i don't mind the unlimited connections that they pay for..... wish it was faster but that's the only thing that i can use now..... cant do much now can i.........
what do i do.... i feel lost as usual...... am in limbo out there and its because of the choices i made as usual..... not worrying things can be really bad sometimes..... but i wont fuck up.... but the list ... the rumors of the list its unbelievable...... i need help.. from my self...
Poor bastard pouring his heart out
my brain seems to be shutting down... now you know the pressure she was in for months.... and there is nothing that she could have done that time about all of this.... but in my case action action is what required.... all they are waiting for is action so get the fuck up and move on.....
there are no monsters in this world... its only you... your the monster.... the scary monster....
the violence.... the headache.... the mind..... the thought.... crash it all down... fear and loathing.....
the usual promises..the failure... you disappoint me as usual.... kill joy... i like that... i am one... to who is the question...
what are you laughing at..... hiding myself.... i don't want him to see me... i have made everything awkward in my head... i cant change anything now in me....... it too late for me... lost in space... waiting for my miracle...
the real problems are not what you are thinking about but its all this.....
the ending of peacemaker felt like i was 16.....
Nuclear winter..... hmmm... i wont make it.... i am not meant to survive this.... pleasant thought... it relaxes me....
surviving is the worst thing that could possibly happen to me.........
so much to explain... what is the definition....
fade in fade out again.........
Snap Snap....
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Swords... (incomplete)
Carrying the sword he ran through the forest.... the pain didn’t seem to reduce... the fear ate way what he felt right now... the eyes that created the fear in him is what will kill him.... this feeling suffocated him....breathing became hard....
Running through the forest for over an hour… he sat down to take a breath… can’t remember when this all began… feels like it was only few hour back that he was sharpening his sword for the practice session… his first ever sword lesson… but that was 10 years ago… the memories that should have formed in these 10 years seems unimportant and therefore not restored in my mind….
The man with the mark on his finger… like a vertical black line across the nail of his middle finger… where could he have gotten that… what does that mean… his victims were always cut in two half... vertically... that is not what scares me about him.... what scares is the fact that I don’t know what is it that I am supposed to have that he needs.... these aren’t forest where such things happen... I need to reach the village but i am confused.. The path seems different.... I lived my entire life in this forest but tonight i cant remember if I have ever seen this place before...
Need to keep moving... it doesn’t matter if i know this place or not... i just need to keep moving... i don’t know if i have put any distance between me and him... i i can still here the children screaming... the little hands scratching the land as the were been cut for the leg up.... the uncontrollable shrieks.... stop... i cant think about this now.... it had to be done... i need to keep moving... cant let myself think.... blood blood... smell.... shit.. Need to move... where the fuck could he be... what the fuck is happening... why me why me....
All i wanted was to learn how to use the sword... not use it on people not..... can here foot steps but its coming from the other side..... Some one is coming towards me from the front...need to hide... need a bush..... Tree.. Climb..... Sweating slipping... fast its getting close ... faster damn it....
I see him coming.... closer... he stopped just ahead of where i was standing.....
Terribly dressed he has no class... reminds me of a hobo... The dried stains at the edges of his clothes ... they might be blood... blood of those children that i saw being chopped alive... for some cannibalistic pleasure... but I don’t remember seeing him there when the children were being murdered. there was only one person there...i am sure of this. That guy seemed have some class in his movements... of royal origins is what i assumed then... his movements were graceful and efficient... some one with a mannerism that would have been regarded polite if only he wasn’t killing children.
Like large black holes surrounding the pit... his eyes I have never seen anything like this before... I should not have been here.... i should have kept running as soon he realizes some one was coming.... Now if he realizes I am on the tree what the fuck... I don’t think i will last for long... and what if he is not alone and the other Royal guy ends up coming here what will I do....
the darkness spreads as the sleep takes over... my energy depletes...
Tear coming down my face.... Crying I sit here looking at you... blinking at me...
Running through the forest for over an hour… he sat down to take a breath… can’t remember when this all began… feels like it was only few hour back that he was sharpening his sword for the practice session… his first ever sword lesson… but that was 10 years ago… the memories that should have formed in these 10 years seems unimportant and therefore not restored in my mind….
The man with the mark on his finger… like a vertical black line across the nail of his middle finger… where could he have gotten that… what does that mean… his victims were always cut in two half... vertically... that is not what scares me about him.... what scares is the fact that I don’t know what is it that I am supposed to have that he needs.... these aren’t forest where such things happen... I need to reach the village but i am confused.. The path seems different.... I lived my entire life in this forest but tonight i cant remember if I have ever seen this place before...
Need to keep moving... it doesn’t matter if i know this place or not... i just need to keep moving... i don’t know if i have put any distance between me and him... i i can still here the children screaming... the little hands scratching the land as the were been cut for the leg up.... the uncontrollable shrieks.... stop... i cant think about this now.... it had to be done... i need to keep moving... cant let myself think.... blood blood... smell.... shit.. Need to move... where the fuck could he be... what the fuck is happening... why me why me....
All i wanted was to learn how to use the sword... not use it on people not..... can here foot steps but its coming from the other side..... Some one is coming towards me from the front...need to hide... need a bush..... Tree.. Climb..... Sweating slipping... fast its getting close ... faster damn it....
I see him coming.... closer... he stopped just ahead of where i was standing.....
Terribly dressed he has no class... reminds me of a hobo... The dried stains at the edges of his clothes ... they might be blood... blood of those children that i saw being chopped alive... for some cannibalistic pleasure... but I don’t remember seeing him there when the children were being murdered. there was only one person there...i am sure of this. That guy seemed have some class in his movements... of royal origins is what i assumed then... his movements were graceful and efficient... some one with a mannerism that would have been regarded polite if only he wasn’t killing children.
Like large black holes surrounding the pit... his eyes I have never seen anything like this before... I should not have been here.... i should have kept running as soon he realizes some one was coming.... Now if he realizes I am on the tree what the fuck... I don’t think i will last for long... and what if he is not alone and the other Royal guy ends up coming here what will I do....
the darkness spreads as the sleep takes over... my energy depletes...
Tear coming down my face.... Crying I sit here looking at you... blinking at me...
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Good Time
Good time
Staring at this thing i think about all that’s happening
Tired i wipe the tears of my eyes...
Lack of sleep as the good times come... i wonder if this feeling will go away
Words creeping from no where ... the thought of loosing this and that
Scary scary... scary is always good.... i wonder when that happened..
Curious i open that door i like keeping closed... the scary future staring at me...
How do we go on like that ... this life of loneliness creeping me out... pity is not what i want
Pity is what i get... but i fear to let it go...for the loneliness is scarier...
Ha need some time for myself.... I have to do what … So much
Read, write, listen, speak... answer
I am lying on the carpet... drifting to sleep... something keeps pulling me back
Rolling I scream... frustrated, wondering why... what is it that i am supposed to understand here
What is the bigger picture...
Talking talking... about everything.... nothing... the same thing.... I have nothing to say about you
About him... about this....
Roulette ... trigger happy... shooting his emotions for anyone to catch.... the poor bastard lost it in the end
Blurry eye... still waiting for the sleep to strangle me.. i work my brain...
the fingers just seem to squeeze my dog's breakfast to a pulp.... but the sleep eludes me and its the pain that i can
Think about...
Yeah yeah yeah......Hallowed be thy name.... Iron maiden screaming
Good time.... I can’t see that any more.... is it frivolous to measure everything in terms of pleasure
Are you having a good time.... because I wanna. So don’t fuck it up for me.....
Staring at this thing i think about all that’s happening
Tired i wipe the tears of my eyes...
Lack of sleep as the good times come... i wonder if this feeling will go away
Words creeping from no where ... the thought of loosing this and that
Scary scary... scary is always good.... i wonder when that happened..
Curious i open that door i like keeping closed... the scary future staring at me...
How do we go on like that ... this life of loneliness creeping me out... pity is not what i want
Pity is what i get... but i fear to let it go...for the loneliness is scarier...
Ha need some time for myself.... I have to do what … So much
Read, write, listen, speak... answer
I am lying on the carpet... drifting to sleep... something keeps pulling me back
Rolling I scream... frustrated, wondering why... what is it that i am supposed to understand here
What is the bigger picture...
Talking talking... about everything.... nothing... the same thing.... I have nothing to say about you
About him... about this....
Roulette ... trigger happy... shooting his emotions for anyone to catch.... the poor bastard lost it in the end
Blurry eye... still waiting for the sleep to strangle me.. i work my brain...
the fingers just seem to squeeze my dog's breakfast to a pulp.... but the sleep eludes me and its the pain that i can
Think about...
Yeah yeah yeah......Hallowed be thy name.... Iron maiden screaming
Good time.... I can’t see that any more.... is it frivolous to measure everything in terms of pleasure
Are you having a good time.... because I wanna. So don’t fuck it up for me.....
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