Oil Fields

burning brightly ... i could see it from this far off.. the oil fields.. the burning oil fields.... the explosions of the tanks... almost felt like that was just 100mt from me... could feel the earth shake from the impact. don think anyone was hurt.. no one died.. or will die from this... not including the birds and bees... they will perish today and for days to come.. slowly falling from the sky choking while flying... afraid to step down.. all the fire eating everything in its path..
i am still standing here waiting for the next explosion.. there were 2 storage tanks..
i have been walking wondering why i have been burning these oil fields for so many weeks this time around .. its been hrs since the 2nd tank exploded... its been hrs since i have been walking in this ash filled desert.. eyes burning.. i don't have my lower eye lashes anymore.. the red rim eyes that scare me every time i look into the mirror..
the next site is about 20kms further will not make it there before night fall. no civilization haven't seen one in a few weeks. this job will be the death of me. why am i burning these oil fields ... why.. no one has seen in the need for these ever since i remember these fields were being exploded. its been 4 years since i joined the trade. a very poor profession. but then again.. there are no profession. this is the only work that would have taken me out of that sad place..

Tonight

and a bottle of wine....
never been so bored and bugged before... and another lie said ... done
moving on to other things to do...u wonder too much.. and do little ...
more dots and less dashed...
random.
tomorrow I'll be gone... i heard this and thought ain't happening to me..
still waiting for u to save... i can see u at the other end of the table.
your my Thrill.....

SPECK

the speck of dust on the window sill....
the insignificant few fight over the remains..
fire burning searing my heart... the foolishness of it all..
sticking on this sill i wonder when my end will come..

Something in the way

I don't want anything that u can give me... i have been here long enough to know that i will regret taking anything from u. of all that i have seen in this life.. all the hatred that i experienced i cannot believe there exists something so vile that it can create any other emotion in me other than rage.. fear fear.. that i will be sucked into this endless nightmare... i can feel they way your bending everything around u.. the way i lost my self for a second... the way i lost my rage and shed a tear for the fear that i will be part of everything that u are...

4 Months

Being trying really hard.. that's a lie i hate being in this situation... the fucker is staring at me.. so like i was saying earlier.. been feeling inefficient again.. been like this for a long time now.. where does one go from here. And its cold when i think about how different things could have been. if only i had made smarter decisions.. instead of .. like a kid jumping from one idea to another.. been meaning to set things right for a long time didn't think it would be this way.. been jumping at my own shadows lately.. Blur.. speeding away wondering where i am going..

A miracle i tell u.. whats a miracle u wonder well none of your business.. rave rant.. yeas rant.. don't fake it anymore.. all the misery in the world the lazy life i live in.. all is meant to evolve. sore as ever don't know what to do. so go way from me. wondering what driving this world around..

Fulfilment of the motherhood dream.. why of all things should it be assumed that the motherhood freak dream is what all aim for.. that its the only important thing to anyone..
there are people on this world who would rather spend time with the one they love and learn to love with them. There are people who are never ready to take responsibility of taking care of another individual while giving up ones freedom to remain a kid..

To talk about other things.. the other day i had seen a dead body on the road.. fascinated by the blank stare.. didn't feel anything as such.. it didn't move me in anyway particular way it didn't mean anything..
the suffocating feeling that i get in every flight.. the feeling of being one with the people i rather not have anything to do with.. such intimacy... snoring and sleeping.. burping ad farting..i hate the word farting... i feel disgusting every time i hear it. why is that i wonder.. for its a natural process.. there are sometimes i don't have an issue and is easy to ignore.. but why is it so hard some other times.. i am on a permanent spell check...
random..
Random thought of a person who has nothing to obsess about.
On my way back let see how things are so far so good..