BURN

Face flat on the table.. i wonder what i am looking at..... head throbbing i wonder what i have been up to... all day
with no memory.. i don't wanna remember anything....
facing you i wonder what i was thinking... the little heart burns that shouldn't matter now they seem to... sleeping
with my eyes opened.. my mind closed i will never force my thoughts... open i am not to you...
random as before i ramble on... living life assuming control... but never conscious of the lack of it... am here for
you... been in my thoughts ....
off vocal songs playing in my head....
let it remain incomplete... haven't understood this yet...

Randomness

There will always be a loving family... never incomplete but different...do you want that responsibility, i don't know there is no second chances in this is there...
Freak out... walking down the street.... breaking the law.. anger and impatience... the lies that i lived with...
Angry.. angry..... i loath this.... walking down the street breaking the law.... burn...
violence... move ... don't stay still.... stamp.. stamp.... scream... scream....
angry.... swing... aiming for the star... you can destroy the world.. today...
wipe the slate clean.... nothing left to write...
hopping hopping... say it again....say it again... i wanna laugh now....
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... i am dieing.... ha ha ha ah ah ah....
where is my guitar.... smash it... i wanna hear it ... smash it... i wanna hear it.... beat the world with it..
where is my morning rainbow.... erase this morning ....
pause pause pause, ready for another day. the winter doesn't seem to end.
waiting for you to hear me scream. do it now. burn the world.
Faster and faster, i am here to save you. Ha
the cold ground is shaking below my feet, running over me will not change that.
Can you see the light, the hybrid rainbow the pillow is talking about. References.
can you feel it.
i need to call them tomorrow... for they have what you want.
i was at a funny funeral the other day after the depressing wedding. thought of you and cried. you weren't there to hear me say the words.

Of no fixed direction or purpose

been a long time.... people are passing by getting older... so am i...
jumping here in one spot in Aug 1983... i think why am i here now.... something to fall back on...
something to ponder about.. i don't usually think of anything substantial... something that can be the answer or led to a question..
reminding me of the old times...
heard about everything that has happened these past few months... didn't want to be judged so didn't say a word..
missing something...
took things too seriously... not so serious....
watched something... moving on now...
Canti sama what should i do???
feel like holding on to the ledge with a finger...... i want to let go... whats happening
uncomfortable.... threatening me .... smashing it all.....
inertia... cant move from here... he wants to document this.... i want to too...

The Meadow

there was a plain...
rolling in the grass... the wind blew in hard... as the storm clouds got closer
tumbling down the smooth grass..... laughing in joy lost in happiness....
getting colder by the minute... the open spaces.... filling me with warm feeling.... laughing i couldn't stop.....
the first drops of rain began to fall.... screaming with childish happiness.... i ran indoor..... wanna play outside but the rain was getting stronger as lightning struck the tree outside.... the world in yellow....

i am shaking with fear.....