the floor is warm because of the sun....
love sitting out here... the smell of warm concrete relaxes me.... reminds me where i am...
the dried leaves from the cherry tree slanting on to the house.. since the last monsoon......
A little moment of peace before the end of it all...
i remember were i lost my toe nail that day....
"well what did you expect when you keep running around like that".... never did like him.. poor old man lost it before the shit hit the fan (as Kurt would have put it)
in fact i haven't felt much for any of my grandparents that died.... i supposed i forced my self by thinking something depressing while they were buried
Waiting for the last one to die... it will put her out of her misery.... i am being kind here....
But none of this is gonna matter .... this is not what today is about...
i have doubts if today will ever happen.... have always been obsessed with the fact that this day would come...
The first time i flunked .... i cried to this wall expecting some miraculous solution to my problems....
the day i lost faith in him i cried to the same wall...
i cried in this tank...... the nights with insomnia i beat this tree...
i walked these walls hoping for the fall..... the one couldn't let myself take...
i remember the day when this place stopped meaning anything to me.....
the tank had water the day we made love in it.... wasn't love actually... it was just sex....
don't know why we did that.... i was never that interested in you....
but that shouldn't matter anyway..... the make shift tent made of coconut leaf to have some privacy....
like cavemen who were gay....
i remember the day when you meant nothing to me....
like these memories... they mean nothing.... i don't feel happiness or remorse for these memories....
what a waste....
sad
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