Introspection

Exploding... my brain exploding
the thought of this explodes through me...
All thoughts vanquished...
i scream with this feeling inside me... this
thing i see, hear, feel...

been so long since the last time
all such feelings were felt

whiteness ..... whiteness that's all there is like all existence has been blotted out
Blinding white...
cant think anything of consequence now..
the sound of water near by....
the rush of something...

the whiteness goes away......
A scene of fornication in front
windows to households...
confused ... confusion increasing...
I see myself suspended to watch
as the slow decent from making love to decadence

the pressure increasing on my body
as i think of how the pressure moves across me
the pattern it forms ..
Still confused

looking for the whiteness to comeback for the explosion that i look for everywhere
Need it now...

getting rid of it all , the dust.
looking into the past
sordid as it is
the lies of it all ... reading them the word written by people who only know the lies of this life

Sifting through these, hoping for something to anchor on to
the explosions come with more effort now..
haven't seen one in a long time..
longing for the whiteness to return
whiteness that cannot fade away
New as it can be
different as it all feels

My fingers go the way they wanna