Restless

restless...
the restlessness has been increasing for a while now...
unsure if its out of expectation or the decided defeat. keep thinking about it... the haze of all these feelings
keeps building up....

Unacceptable content..

yeah right like i have ever heard that one before...
murky ... murky ..... when somethings get sorted out the others don't...
feels like its rock bottom for me with the conclusion of the deal the defeat was accepted...
when the relief i felt crushed everything that was believed... the sign of rejection.. the need to be accepted...
why should i care for it... why do i need the conformation... what is the point of this... the pressure
the pressure of this all ... eating away.. rotting inside.... the smell cannot be ignored.... wake him now wake him... call call...
it cant be late... there is still time... why should it always be the one you cant have.. the one you wont have....
Cleaning the floor .... the patterns seem to make no sense ....the patterns seem like they weren't meant to be the way they were...
the cracked floor reminds me of the red oxide floor of my grand parents.. with the floor caving in but people living on
the irrational need to exist and keep hurting one self with faith and belief...
why is it that its important..
why should i be important to me....
why /when / where / how..... how many times does a person use that in a day....
heard him... felt sad... felt incomplete...
don't want it anymore... am afraid...