The Hammer

Its so heavy that it might slip away any minute...
As i swing i can feel it slip a little...
Can u feel the weight of it..
I can feel the heat rising in my palm..
Can you feel the pain...
Can you feel the hardness of the wood... the roughness...
I can feel the splinters enter my flesh...
Can you feel the impact..
I can feel my arms vibrate..
Can you feel the ground shaking..
Can you hear me scream..
Can you see my tears..
I can feel the blood pounding in my ears...
I can see my arm turn red from the effort...
Can you see the wall cracking... can you see through the cracks...  

I cannot stay here

Splendid shining crazy sun.. you are blinding me with your beauty...
I fear that you will not be the same... everyday i loose the feeling... you are not as beautiful as you were yesterday...

I should not be here... your too perfect... who will i blame if i stay here... what excuses will i give for my failures...
you are prettier than i could ever capture...

we are awake

Sooooooo we wake to another day of cloudy sky's .... Pang pangs... The air shimmers with memories that don't make sense....

We wake up to a sunny day.... Breath in the fresh air... Rested and in the arms of a1000 suns...

We wake up again... Blinding light and confusion... Sound of the alarm... Dread and hesitation... Denying this day.... Roll up

We wake up... There is this hole... This deep hole that needs to be filled urgently... What do we fill this hole with... Emptiness

We wake up again... There is much to accomplish.. Plans to fulfil activities to be completed.... Boxes to be checked...

Sun shining ... Blinding.... Happy... Warm... Hot... Exhilarating
Cloudy... Raining... Windy... Empty... Sad... Indecisive...

We wake up again... What do you see...

Sleep Walking

Can't seem to get out of this uneasy feeling that things are gonna change and not necessarily for the best. I am not doing what I am capable of or I am still doing something that I am not meant to do.

Yesterday the dragon woke me in my sleep. I would like to believe something as mystical as a dragon would have done that to me.
Sleep walking is not something that I have done before. Is there a deep hidden meaning to it? Am I reading too much into it?
What is it that I asked? What did I want to know in my sleep? What did 2 people know?
Leaving me with questions. The Tamil song playing in my ear is not really helping this uneasy feeling. I am searching for something and I don't have the slightest clue what that is.

Help I have done all this before. I have been here many times before..
 Stop plagiarising.
Keeping yourself in pseudo occupied state is not really getting me out of this.. Breath me
I am doing it again... Getting too much into my own head. Is it possible that these feeling are creations of my delusional mind.

Delusions... unabated

it is tiring to think that one can be as delusional and as unplanned and negative as that..

the unplanned events are the best
but then again how often does that take place...
I hear his frustrations and I wonder how different are they from mine...

the fact that everything could have or has fallen into a routine.. does that mean I am in a rut...
is the routine a negative...

the need to sound important...

the I I I I I I I I.. of this conversation, is as frustrating as the feeling of running around in an infinite loop...

blaming someone changes nothing.. temporary obsessions change nothing...
there we are again.. oh my cynical self...

syntax

the funny conversations... I over hear.. what are they feeling.. what do they go through...

what a horrible way to end this year here...
the pointlessness of the things I write.

Purpose

looking at old picture...

influences .. copies .. head filled with cotton.. the barrier and the laziness of it all..

stopping me from feeling anything.. while i watch people do what they do.. because they have to..

without any respect for what has to be done.. i wanna fight them but i don't really know with what.. what do u say other than No..

No NO NO No.. i heard myself saying that so many times.. it doesn't surprise me if its the only constant...

i am ok .. i am not okay...

bright pink light shining... filling the room... with warmth... the day wasted and defended by the pink light...

plants and trees to fill up space and time...

kekkashi filling my waking hours...

there is nothing really to show here..

the fly has more purpose than i....

Fly

deliver or not ... i don't know.. never wondered whether that is possible... the stifling feeling is what i am aware of..
to move in a different direction was the intentions but this lull... the never ending lull, the boredom.. its pulling me.. towards the edge of things..
wanna see the end of all things... u can leave now .. i am not looking for that any more...
a new obsession.. waiting for clouds to pass by, so that i can finally move on with things....
the futures is mixed and unclear... like the fly on the wall i keep watching with opened eyes this large world that does'nt make any sense..
sounds and music blasting ... thoughts and words that make no sense ...
they have no urgency... yet i cant see their movements...
in and out in and out... 300 hundred different visions of my future
there is no choice as to which to pick...