Saw u, Heard u... Don't wanna no more...
i heard u... sitting there in front of me...
i saw u sitting there in front of me...
saying everything i dreamt to ever hear... never prepared... never knowing...
sitting here... i don't anymore... they don't mean anything anymore...
thinking that i need to survive this again... i scream...
there is no need for this because i don't want it anymore..
i heard this ... i heard that...u looked and i felt...
maybe.. maybe... sad as ever....
u hid behind the word...
hid behind something i never needed...Marriage..
the believer.. in the sad pathetic fool... who has no clue..
i claim.. this i claim that... turns out there is nothing different between you and the rest of them..
dirtydick... a bad idea as ever...
another bad and sad day...
ha ha... over and over...
doesn't matter anyway... next month... u will remain just another scar..nothing more... just another...
will remember when the next homeless person speaks in tongues...
and will remember my 950 bucks.... keep the change and thank u for your services... i dont need u anymore..
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Lost it
"i am listening to all that is being said about this and that...
the euphoria of it all.. the discussions... the groups.. the dialogue....
i just want to shut it all... the sound. the noise... scream... the sound... i want silence... "
That's the last thing i heard him say before he jumped of the building... that was the first time i ever saw him lose it...
Always figured he was the most grounded person i know. Its still shocking that this happened. i understand that things can get hard for everyone and they lose it. But we are talking about bobby here. He would have been the last person in this world to be affected by anything. he could see anything and not be affected. Then why did he want everyone to shut up that day. why the sound.. why did he lose it.
She was walking out on the road that day. Happy about the work she had accomplished today. The reports that she made today is gonna make some splash with the senior management tomorrow. That aside, she is going shopping today wit here friends yippee....
That's when she heard the bus screech... u have to be kidding she thought... before the bus rolled over her...
"WOW" is what Mat thought sitting in the restaurant opposite from where the bus rolled over her...
his head hurt a little from the sound of the bus rolling down the road.. and the scream of the people in the bus
and on the street... this isn't the first time Mat had witnessed and accident. This will not be the last time...
the euphoria of it all.. the discussions... the groups.. the dialogue....
i just want to shut it all... the sound. the noise... scream... the sound... i want silence... "
That's the last thing i heard him say before he jumped of the building... that was the first time i ever saw him lose it...
Always figured he was the most grounded person i know. Its still shocking that this happened. i understand that things can get hard for everyone and they lose it. But we are talking about bobby here. He would have been the last person in this world to be affected by anything. he could see anything and not be affected. Then why did he want everyone to shut up that day. why the sound.. why did he lose it.
She was walking out on the road that day. Happy about the work she had accomplished today. The reports that she made today is gonna make some splash with the senior management tomorrow. That aside, she is going shopping today wit here friends yippee....
That's when she heard the bus screech... u have to be kidding she thought... before the bus rolled over her...
"WOW" is what Mat thought sitting in the restaurant opposite from where the bus rolled over her...
his head hurt a little from the sound of the bus rolling down the road.. and the scream of the people in the bus
and on the street... this isn't the first time Mat had witnessed and accident. This will not be the last time...
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Emotions
Cheers for all the good things to come..
dreaming what ever i want...
to say that.. i like whats happening...
Happiness ha ha .. glad to be here
never been here before... the airhead... and his emotional fluctuations...
Laughter and joy....
Confusion and hatred...
spreading all over i wonder when will they change..
but expecting it i wonder if its ever possible... not sadness but
anger overwhelms me.... to understand the need for this approval
that all of us long for i sit here thinking...
... anger... hatred.. mixing and multiplying they seem never ending..
the hoax that we are believed... ha ha ha.. cant stop laughing
its sad to think that there can we words like that exchanged between people....
there is nothing else to be said... for all that needs to be said has been shared...
there is nothing new that this world is offering....
dreaming what ever i want...
to say that.. i like whats happening...
Happiness ha ha .. glad to be here
never been here before... the airhead... and his emotional fluctuations...
Laughter and joy....
Confusion and hatred...
spreading all over i wonder when will they change..
but expecting it i wonder if its ever possible... not sadness but
anger overwhelms me.... to understand the need for this approval
that all of us long for i sit here thinking...
... anger... hatred.. mixing and multiplying they seem never ending..
the hoax that we are believed... ha ha ha.. cant stop laughing
its sad to think that there can we words like that exchanged between people....
there is nothing else to be said... for all that needs to be said has been shared...
there is nothing new that this world is offering....
Monday, June 29, 2009
BURN
Face flat on the table.. i wonder what i am looking at..... head throbbing i wonder what i have been up to... all day
with no memory.. i don't wanna remember anything....
facing you i wonder what i was thinking... the little heart burns that shouldn't matter now they seem to... sleeping
with my eyes opened.. my mind closed i will never force my thoughts... open i am not to you...
random as before i ramble on... living life assuming control... but never conscious of the lack of it... am here for
you... been in my thoughts ....
off vocal songs playing in my head....
let it remain incomplete... haven't understood this yet...
with no memory.. i don't wanna remember anything....
facing you i wonder what i was thinking... the little heart burns that shouldn't matter now they seem to... sleeping
with my eyes opened.. my mind closed i will never force my thoughts... open i am not to you...
random as before i ramble on... living life assuming control... but never conscious of the lack of it... am here for
you... been in my thoughts ....
off vocal songs playing in my head....
let it remain incomplete... haven't understood this yet...
Monday, June 15, 2009
Randomness
There will always be a loving family... never incomplete but different...do you want that responsibility, i don't know there is no second chances in this is there...
Freak out... walking down the street.... breaking the law.. anger and impatience... the lies that i lived with...
Angry.. angry..... i loath this.... walking down the street breaking the law.... burn...
violence... move ... don't stay still.... stamp.. stamp.... scream... scream....
angry.... swing... aiming for the star... you can destroy the world.. today...
wipe the slate clean.... nothing left to write...
hopping hopping... say it again....say it again... i wanna laugh now....
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... i am dieing.... ha ha ha ah ah ah....
where is my guitar.... smash it... i wanna hear it ... smash it... i wanna hear it.... beat the world with it..
where is my morning rainbow.... erase this morning ....
pause pause pause, ready for another day. the winter doesn't seem to end.
waiting for you to hear me scream. do it now. burn the world.
Faster and faster, i am here to save you. Ha
the cold ground is shaking below my feet, running over me will not change that.
Can you see the light, the hybrid rainbow the pillow is talking about. References.
can you feel it.
i need to call them tomorrow... for they have what you want.
i was at a funny funeral the other day after the depressing wedding. thought of you and cried. you weren't there to hear me say the words.
Freak out... walking down the street.... breaking the law.. anger and impatience... the lies that i lived with...
Angry.. angry..... i loath this.... walking down the street breaking the law.... burn...
violence... move ... don't stay still.... stamp.. stamp.... scream... scream....
angry.... swing... aiming for the star... you can destroy the world.. today...
wipe the slate clean.... nothing left to write...
hopping hopping... say it again....say it again... i wanna laugh now....
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... i am dieing.... ha ha ha ah ah ah....
where is my guitar.... smash it... i wanna hear it ... smash it... i wanna hear it.... beat the world with it..
where is my morning rainbow.... erase this morning ....
pause pause pause, ready for another day. the winter doesn't seem to end.
waiting for you to hear me scream. do it now. burn the world.
Faster and faster, i am here to save you. Ha
the cold ground is shaking below my feet, running over me will not change that.
Can you see the light, the hybrid rainbow the pillow is talking about. References.
can you feel it.
i need to call them tomorrow... for they have what you want.
i was at a funny funeral the other day after the depressing wedding. thought of you and cried. you weren't there to hear me say the words.
Of no fixed direction or purpose
been a long time.... people are passing by getting older... so am i...
jumping here in one spot in Aug 1983... i think why am i here now.... something to fall back on...
something to ponder about.. i don't usually think of anything substantial... something that can be the answer or led to a question..
reminding me of the old times...
heard about everything that has happened these past few months... didn't want to be judged so didn't say a word..
missing something...
took things too seriously... not so serious....
watched something... moving on now...
Canti sama what should i do???
feel like holding on to the ledge with a finger...... i want to let go... whats happening
uncomfortable.... threatening me .... smashing it all.....
inertia... cant move from here... he wants to document this.... i want to too...
jumping here in one spot in Aug 1983... i think why am i here now.... something to fall back on...
something to ponder about.. i don't usually think of anything substantial... something that can be the answer or led to a question..
reminding me of the old times...
heard about everything that has happened these past few months... didn't want to be judged so didn't say a word..
missing something...
took things too seriously... not so serious....
watched something... moving on now...
Canti sama what should i do???
feel like holding on to the ledge with a finger...... i want to let go... whats happening
uncomfortable.... threatening me .... smashing it all.....
inertia... cant move from here... he wants to document this.... i want to too...
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
The Meadow
there was a plain...
rolling in the grass... the wind blew in hard... as the storm clouds got closer
tumbling down the smooth grass..... laughing in joy lost in happiness....
getting colder by the minute... the open spaces.... filling me with warm feeling.... laughing i couldn't stop.....
the first drops of rain began to fall.... screaming with childish happiness.... i ran indoor..... wanna play outside but the rain was getting stronger as lightning struck the tree outside.... the world in yellow....
i am shaking with fear.....
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